Struggling to See the Light

Struggling to see Light

I still remember that day in kindergarten when Mrs. White told us that it was time to make snowflakes to decorate the classroom. I was wearing my favorite yellow shirt and my lucky shoes that day. I guess they weren't as lucky as I thought they were… As Mrs. White took out all the supplies I had already grabbed my favorite scissors. Next, I ran across the room to where she was sitting, handing out white paper to all my friends. I remember being so excited as I ran across the carpet to where Mrs. White sat. I remember feeling uneasy as my shoe caught on the edge of the rug as I fell forward. Lastly, I remember the piercing pain I felt as I fell down. Everything turned into a blur then. Everyone was screaming and I could hear my best friend Mary crying. Mrs. White was yelling for everyone to stay back as she called 911. I could feel myself being lifted of off the ground and lifted onto a comfy white bed. Then I heard a deep voice assuring me that everything was going to be okay. He lied.

It's been ten years since that day in Mrs. White's classroom. Ten years since I could see. Now the only time I see is in my dreams, which have turned to nightmares since my accident.

After I lost my vision, I fell into a sort of rut. Life didn’t seem to hold the same appeal as it had before. Everything seemed to be a mystery, and it frustrated me. It frustrated me so much that I decided never to go out of my house ever again. That way, I would always know where everything and everyone was. It made me feel safe. That was my life, and I accepted it for what it was.

Then, yesterday, when my parents came home, they announced that I was going to school. At first I laughed, how could they say something that was so ridiculous? Then after about two minutes, I realized that they were serious, dead serious.

"No." I said. My feet started to fidget. This is what always happens to me whenever I begin to get anxious or nervous. There was no way I was going to go to school. Not now, not ever. I had been completely content in my own little world that I had created over the years. And now, my parents were threatening to change it. "NO." I said again, this time louder.

"Emily, we think that it would be a good idea for you to interact with other people. You are turning into a young woman, and we don't want to see you wasting your life away listening to music and sleeping all day. St. Baldrics Academy is a place that will adhere to your every need. It's a very wonderful school," said my mother, her voice full of that maternal tone that reeks of We-know-what's-best-for-you.

"Mom. I don’t think you understand. I. Am. Blind. School is not an option for me and never will be. All I want to do is to live the way I have been living for the past ten years. Why do you have to swoop in and change everything now?" I asked, feeling my anger start to build.
"Its because you need this. I mean look at you," she said.
"Excuse me. MOM, I CAN'T. BECAUSE IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED YET, I'M BLIND!" I said, exploding.
"Emily…" She started.
"And you have no idea what it is like, to have your eyes taken away from you. Because I promise, it is not a freaking tea party, Mom, " I said, my whole body shaking with rage. I could hear my mom crying, trying to hold back sobs.

"You may not speak to your Mother that way Emily!" boomed my Dad, stepping in. "As of right now, you will go to your room and get ready, because tomorrow school starts. And you will not argue with us because WE are your parents and you will do what WE say! Is that clear?"

"Yes." I mumbled as I trudged up the stairs to my room. As soon as I was up there, I slammed the door and turned my music up all the way. I would go to school, but I didn’t have to like it.

The next morning, I woke up feeling the sun on my face.
"Emily! Its your first day of school!" exclaimed my mom, from the kitchen. I could hear her humming and cooking something downstairs. Ughh, if she is so excited, why doesn’t she go herself? I got up out of the safety of my bed, and began to get ready.

St. Baldrics Academy was huge. My mother had told me before that it was a twenty-acre campus, but I hadn’t realized how large that was. As I stepped out of the car, I started to panic. This campus was so large, and all of it was a mystery to me. I grabbed my cane and began to feel around.
"Bye, Emily, " shouted my mom, " Have fun! Meet new people! And make good choices!"
I sighed under my breath. It was time to embark on my new "normal" teenage life.
My first class was English. My teacher, Mrs. Langley seemed to overflow with excitement.
"Hello, Class! I am Mrs. Langley and I will be your English teacher!" she said. Even though I couldn't see, I could feel her smile from across the room. "In this class, we will be exploring the art of…." She paused, for dramatic effect, "SHAKESPEARE!!!"
Crap. I thought. I hate Shakespeare.
"Now, everyone has an assigned seat partner, so listen closely as I show you to your seats!" Mrs. Langley began calling out names, and guiding people to their seats. Soon I heard my name. "Emily you sit here," she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me gently towards a chair. "Your seat partner is Jack."

"Hey," said a boyish voice from across the table. "I'm Jack, and you are?"
"Emily." I said, almost forgetting for a couple seconds.
"Well, Emily, you my friend are very lucky," he boasted.
"And why is that?" I asked, curious.
"Because. You get to sit next to me."




The next day, I eagerly headed to the English classroom. It seemed silly, but I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about my earlier rendezvous with the mysterious Jack. Because I'm blind, I obviously wasn't able to see what he looked like, but I I wondered if he was blind too, or if I was the only one. I hadn't asked many questions that first day, due to my shyness. Jack was the only person I talked to that was not a teacher.

"Hey Emily," said Jack, already seated on the other side of the desk.
"Hi," I replied, trying to act calm. Thankfully, Mrs. Langley, who seemed to be very excited for the lesson today, saved me from having to come up with something to say back.
"Hello Class! Today we will be starting our group project! Obviously because we are studying Shakespeare, I want the first project to be related to one of his plays. Everyone must choose a partner and both read one of the plays. You will be expected to act out one of the scenes and write and analysis."
Ugh, I thought. Even though I haven't actually attended school in a while, I have read countless books on that one girl who is always alone. In my head, I was that girl. Always sitting in the corner minding her own business, afraid to reveal herself to the outside world.
I was just about to raise my hand to ask if I could do the project alone, when I felt a slight nudge under the table.
"Hey, Emily," whispered Jack, "Do you wanna be partners for this thing?"
Immediately I blushed. My feet began to dance around on the floor, feeling the carpet. I breathed in, trying to suppress my excitement. This never happened to me. No one, and I mean no one; boys especially had ever asked me to be their partner before.
"Sure," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Cool, and just so you know, I'm a die hard Romeo and Juliet fan."

I went home that night smiling. So far, my life had sucked up until this week. But now everything seemed to be taking a turn for the better.
The next day at school, Jack wasn't there. I figured he was sick or something and would be back soon so I didn’t ask about it. Later that week when he still hadn't showed up, I finally asked Mrs. Langley what was happening.
"Emily," Mrs. Langley began in a solemn tone. "I think you should sit down."
I took a seat.
"Jack has been suffering from a brain tumor for some time Emily. He's been fighting really hard, but now the tumor has grown and he has been growing weaker. Jack was at the hospital undergoing procedures and treatments, but the tumor was too much for him to handle. He passed away a couple days ago."
I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks. My feet began a crazy frenzy, dancing all over the floor. How could this happen? How could the world be so cruel?
"Listen, Emily, I'm sorry I didn’t say anything before. It's just, at this school, this isn't very rare."
"I just can't do…" I started, not being able to finish my sentence.
"What?" asked, Mrs. Langley holding my hand, squeezing it. "Do what?"
"Do this." I said. I got up, wiped the tears from my face, grabbed my cane, and started the dangerous walk home.

Emma

Thoughts:
I wanted to write more of a depressing story, because I think that they are unique. Most people don’t want to read stories about people who are depressed or sad. Personally, those kind of stories are my favorite. I like to read about people in distress or with problems. What I really wanted was for my story to me more of a reality and less of a fantasy.